Rewind
A single phone call can change a life,
one single breath of silence can be the difference
of what is and what could have been.
One breath,
one absence of a word…
It’s all gone,
gone, forever.
Forever, never hearing that single breath again,
never, forever.
It wasn’t a fairytale,
not even close.
No white horse,
prince charming,
or once upon a time.
Some would say it was a story of unrequited love,
she would say differently.
No one ever thinks a girl like her
would have feelings towards something like him.
Were they all wrong?
Me¬–a joint,
her–a book.
Two polar opposites
inevitably bound to entangle
in a magical dance.
A single hello,
a flash of a smile,
LOVE.
He was different,
mysterious, artistic, genuine.
No one thought,
no one ever thinks that a girl like her
would fall for him,
they were all wrong.
But maybe no one wanted to believe it was right,
no one thought it was possible¬–
no, not possible,
probable that it would last.
They were all right.
It was hard to read her,
her eyes held no clue,
like an empty treasure map waiting to be discovered.
My heart pounded for her,
did she feel the same?
Questions-
just questions,
forever, never ending questions.
She couldn’t quite do it,
commit to this familiar stranger,
not just yet.
But one kiss,
that first touch,
she knew.
It should have been simple,
yet–
she would not say,
would not speak the worlds she longed to,
just kept them bottled up tight
far beneath the surface.
I needed to leap,
and see if I would fly.
Only one true way to know–
I had to tell her.
That phone sat,
beckoning me to call.
“Call her,” it screamed.
Pick up, hang up.
Pick up, hang up.
Pick up–
I held my breath,
the first ring.
The rain poured down,
plip, plop, plip, plop,
slow at first but ever growing stronger.
A single ring and a quiet hello,
she knew it was him before a word was spoken.
“I’ve realized that–I love you.“
All she could say,
whisper,
“I know.”
Silence…
The sky broke at the click of the phone.
The rain,
plip plop, plip plop,
a soothing sound,
one that should have been coming from him.
Time would soon take over,
she disappeared completely.
Out of fear or shame I could not say,
just gone.
I shouldn’t have told her,
said it so bluntly,
so matter-of-fact.
Time soon took over
and another became present.
But I would never,
could never love her the same.
She had stolen my heart and I longed for it back,
for her back.
Just one last time.
She had run away,
fled from the reality,
but regret soon began to tug at her heart.
Was she wrong?
Questions-
hundreds of unanswered questions filled her mind,
should she jump,
take the leap
and hope to God she’d fly?
New love on a tight leash,
can’t even see her anymore–¬
it’s forbidden.
But I won’t,
I can’t forget her.
She was just too different.
I love my girlfriend,
but–
it’s different.
Does such a thing exist?
Can a heart really split in two,
or will it eventually
be forced to choose?
Her face,
her hair,
her smile–
She could never compare.
Not to that.
His new one loved him,
that much was clear
but so did she.
It hurt,
to watch would should have been
her from afar
knowing deep down
it was over.
I knew I should have told her,
the look in her eyes told me all I needed to know,
yet, I didn’t.
I didn’t, I never would,
don’t know why still.
I did,
I did really love her.
I hope she knew that,
but the look,
the look in her eyes told me all I needed to know,
the look of devastations.
I knew I should have told her,
but yet,
I thought she would have know that love,
I was wrong.
She never thought in a million years
he would move on so fast.
Guess it’s what she gets,
should have told him
and not let her fear get the best of her.
It was love,
true, passionate, burning love–
a flickering flame
that seemed to be able to withstand all.
But it had burned out,
nothing more than a pile of wax
that she was slowly drowning in.
Unconventional, dysfunctional, passionate,
all understated words to describe what we once had,
but is now no more.
No one thought,
no one ever thinks that a guy like me
would fall for her,
they were all wrong.
But maybe no one wanted to believe
it was right in the first place,
no one ever thought it was possible–
no not possible,
probable that it would last,
they were all right.
Questions–
that’s all it ever was with us,
confrontational questions that always ended
in a passionate kiss.
The secrecy fed the fire,
ever growing stronger
until that secret burst.
Just silent voices of staring eyes
burning through my skin,
and the once invigorating feeling I had towards
her touch
evaporated.
Two separate ways,
one unanswered question,
did she ever really love me?
All she wanted now–
to see his face next to hers one last time,
to rewind,
to stop him,
to say “yes, I love you too.”
But no,
time would not allow,
she was stuck,
just longing and staring,
staring at what no longer was hers,
forever in a memory,
always playing,
over and over.
Forever, never hearing that one single breath again.
Never,
never again mine,
forever.
